the fire will consume.

"since when is forgiveness a better quality than loyalty?"

2011-11-05T22:01:00.001+01:00

"but who irons the shirts?"

2011-11-05T21:52:00.001+01:00

and there i was in the middle of the desert
sun, sand and silky souls all around me,
the clouds were smirking
while the horizon leaned in close to whisper a secret.

i was alone, i think.
were you there too?
did you notice that i was searching for something?
for hours i walked
guided by the wind's laughter
until i found the sparkling old river.

i rushed forward and fell to my knees.
the water just about touched my lips
when i was prodded awake
by your hands on my hip.

"my tie isn't ironed", you said.

oh well, i thought.

men can love other men, you see,
but who, pray tell, will do the laundry?

2011-01-09T17:53:00.002+01:00

yes, i will forget and forgive.

but how do i erase the writing on the wall ?

2011-01-09T17:34:00.002+01:00

remember the time when you walked out on me when we were having lunch?

yes.

and you wouldn't talk to me because i had done the unforgivable?

yes.

and you still found it in your heart to forgive me later?

yes.

so, when do i get to forgive you?

2011-01-09T17:33:00.003+01:00

congratulations, in case you didn't get the message.

2011-01-09T17:33:00.001+01:00

i'm not hoping you will reply

i'm only hoping that you will want to.

2011-01-09T17:28:00.002+01:00

for when the hate has blown its way through,

and anger has lashed out in all its fury,

when frustration and disgust has spilled over

and loathing has washed over us,

there shall still be love.

because our future may be inexistent,

but our past has been carved in stone.

2010-11-16T16:28:00.002+01:00

dear mr president,

i permit myself the indiscretion that is this letter to warn you of a perpetual misstep in communication that may come your way in the near future. as your former communications manager, i find it is my duty to inform you that no message is less subtle than a hint thrown at a knowing enemy. in such times, silence is the only reply. silence is the best reply. for your words will easily be misconstrued, but your silence can lend itself to mean anything you desire.

i implore you to keep silent about your state of affaires. it is no longer in my power to solve issues that may be troubling you, but i'm afraid that you may speak too soon, and be forced to accept the sorry circumstances that may follow.

if it was in my power to be your confidante and your enemy at the same time, i would accept this mission without hesitation. but sadly, we both have to consider the fact that no enemy is bigger than the one that sleeps in your bed. and no confidante is less trustworthy than the one you have revealed your secrets to.

yours respectfully,

an old confidante.

2010-11-16T16:25:00.003+01:00

you can look,

but you cannot find

someone

to replace

this wicked mind of mine.

you can look,

but you cannot find

someone

to fuck

or beat and bind.

you can look,

but you cannot find

someone

who pretends to hate you

but is just simply kind.

you can look,

and what you will find

is the same old story

but a different pick-up line.

2010-10-20T22:35:00.001+02:00

the storm has blown.

i am over you.

and yes,

i am over him too.

1.

2010-10-01T23:25:00.002+02:00

yesterday

i dreamt

that i had gone blind.

i was a blind person

trying to pull a string of thread

through the smallest needle's eye.

and then i woke up.

now i can see again;

but i've got blood on my hands.

yesterday

2010-09-27T19:27:00.001+02:00

yesterday

i called you.

the telephone operator

kindly reminded me

how lonely i am.

2010-09-27T19:26:00.000+02:00

they haven't cleared me for surgery neither.

it is true

2010-09-23T22:02:00.001+02:00

it is a fair true thing

that our silence

said more

than our words ever tried to.

it is a fair true thing

that are words

said less

than our silence now aims to convey.

it is a fair sad thing

that my words

and your silence

run into each other so often.

and what if...

2010-09-18T14:36:00.001+02:00

and what if i don't

stay this way

forever?

2010-08-23T22:09:00.001+02:00

are you swimming against the current to reach my hand? while i'm helplessly being washed away by the flood? let us escape first. we can blame our weaknesses on the selfish gushing river later.

2010-08-18T22:15:00.002+02:00

i will meticulously

take notes

of everything i want to say

to you

in my mind, i shall make notes.

but curse me not

if when i see you again,

i lose my mind.

for peyton and brooke

2010-07-14T20:15:00.002+02:00

and when we collide again

for i know we will

because, with us,

lightning does strike twice,

let us remember

that

you didn't see me run away

because you had already turned around.

and when we collide again

for i know we will,

i hope we shall remember

the words we have prepared

to say to each other.

and when we collide again

for i know we will,

i hope our hatred

remains unchanged,

for our love certainly has.

2010-05-18T18:34:00.002+02:00

and when that day comes

and it's the right time,

how would you do it?

i am a misfit

2010-05-05T22:12:00.004+02:00

it's when you finish the puzzle with all the tiny, little pieces fitted together, you will realise that i am that one piece that doesn't really fit anywhere.

making love to the god of war

2010-04-12T12:18:00.002+02:00

cheat codes will get you past the door

and passwords will open up hidden objects.

fierce combat will let you kill your enemies

and secret weapons help you conquer the world.

and when it's all over,

all that remains

is a burning hot wish

to do it all over again.

the laws of the land

2010-02-07T16:45:00.002+01:00

when someone asks me

about the day that changed my entire life,

now i will know how to reply.

be my witness

2010-01-13T18:38:00.002+01:00

when i refuse to listen,

and stubbornly believe in you

and refuse to reason,

be my witness.

when i ask for

the unreasonable

and cry forever

be my witness.

when i lie in your arms

and wake up a different person,

when i shut the door

and lose the key

be my witness.

for when i die,

only you shall remember me.

only you

shall be my witness.

2009-12-17T14:01:00.002+01:00

"...pretending that we are both not scared... sitting here and waiting... and pretending.... that's love."

thank you for pretending.

i will do the same for you one day.

2009-12-17T13:58:00.001+01:00

everyone's angry. i'm making everyone angry.

why? do you all need someone to be angry at?

ok, go ahead.

i volunteer to be the one.

i am the one.

2009-10-23T22:59:00.002+02:00

why is everyone giving up on me?

since when is it ok to surrender? since when is it permitted to doubt? since when is it unacceptable to listen or try to understand?

the difficult part, like always, is not to arrive on that fabled beautiful deserted island, with that fabled someone special. the difficult part is to figure out how to return. because you burnt all those bridges. even those infamous fabled ones.

i can't go forward. i can't return.

i can't leave. and i can't stay.

if i say i've learnt my lesson,

you will only go on to teach me another one.

2009-10-23T16:12:00.002+02:00

patience is a virtue. i read that somewhere.

i can pick up socks off the bathroom floor a thousand times. i can stay awake till 4 am for you to come home. i can cook endless plates of food and stock the fridge with countless bottles.

i can write a thousand lines for you and sing hundreds of songs. i can smile at you forever. i can look into your eyes for all eternity. i can sleep peacefully on your shoulder for always. i can stay in your arms and receive your kisses until you tire of them. i can give myself up to you until the sun stops shining.

forgive me please,

for nobody taught me how to be patient.

does the sun shine ?

2009-10-19T21:22:00.003+02:00

the last time i saw you, you had angry eyes.

you were angry that the sun never shines when we need it. and that it never rains in the desert. and that after a visit to the beach, there is sand just everywhere.

so i turned the world around for you. now the nights are hotter than day. the cold seeps in through the windows. and the sun shines when you want it to.

now your eyes are calm.

but i know

that calm eyes are followed by stormy hearts.

2009-10-14T00:15:00.001+02:00

you can certainly win if you cheat.

but who will you play with

if i'm gone ?

2009-10-08T22:01:00.002+02:00

si tu m'oblige de marcher toute seule,

tu seras tout seule si je décide de marcher.

2009-09-30T14:25:00.002+02:00

this will really hurt. and i'm jumping anyway.

will you stand by, please?

2009-09-24T20:36:00.000+02:00

do you think it's ok

if i stop thinking of you

once in a while?

that was the sound of something breaking

2009-09-14T11:19:00.003+02:00

you can break me into pieces
and put me in the trash.
you can fold me like a newspaper
and leave me in the train.
you can wipe me off the table
and dust me out the window.
you can grab me by the ankles
and fling me into the water.
you can drop me into the sink
and flush me down the drain.
you can throw me on the floor
and crush me under your foot.
you can erase me in your book
and replace me with another.

and yet,
you can never
forget me.

it's getting dark.
don't let go of my hand,
for we may never find our way back again.

2009-09-11T22:53:00.004+02:00

"where you lead,

i will follow."

plunging into the sea is scarier than jumping into the darkness. i know because i did it today. and the cold is certainly not what hits you first. the first moment demands you to rethink what you just did. even though you can't take it back, even though you can't go back, your mind forces you to think of what you just did.

then it starts to reason. the very point of all those words and phrases and sentences put together to reason out anything in the world. those words that come as easily as lies. the sentences that seem to put themselves together. only to justify the stupidity of your actions.

but the darkness though is a friend. when everything is black, nothing makes sense. when there is no light at all, nothing seems worth the effort. because who would see? if you cried, the darkness will swallow your tears. if you laugh, it disappears. and if you just sit down and breathe, the darkness will forget about you too.

so when the time comes to jump, it doesn't really help if you close your eyes. because the darkness behind your eyes will fool you. it will make you believe you are alone. and when you suddenly open your eyes because you sense you are close to hitting the water's surface, your first thought is "what have i done?"

just for a second though. then you hit the water. and close your eyes again. the water moves apart to hug you, as if it were a welcoming friend. but you know there is no such thing. a friend that welcomes you is one who awaits your departure.

thats when you realize that its really cold. and that there is no going back. the water is freezing and your feet can't feel any solid ground. and you can't hear anything from above the surface. and after a while, the light starts to fade away. and you start sinking into that fabled darkness.

at last. you recognise this place. you have been here before. this is that same deep black that knows your tears and has heard your laughter and has your secrets hidden away somewhere.

at last you know. taking the plunge has never been so rewarding.

love

2009-08-31T15:26:00.001+02:00

you must remember,
now that you have broken me,
it's up to you
to put me back again.

2009-08-15T15:10:00.002+02:00

when you say things first
and think them through later,

when you kiss me first
and regret it later,

when you leave first
and wait for me to come later,

i can only stand by and watch.

dreaming about nightmares

2009-08-10T15:38:00.002+02:00

what is it about sleeping alone that gives you nightmares? when you finally fall asleep, amidst the noises, the cracks, the knocks and the howling wind, after repeatedly telling yourself that there is no one in the corner staring at you, you realise that its your dreams you should be afraid of. not the darkness.
your dreams full of light and colour and movement that reveal what you do not want to know.
and when you wake, you see that it's all true. and that you do not have the courage to see it, except in your dreams.
and when there is no one beside you to share the sunlight coming through the window, you stare at the ceiling for a minute and you tell yourself, "it's only a dream." "don't worry, it's only a dream."

"i'm too hot for you"

2009-07-21T13:14:00.003+02:00

don't get too close.
whatever burns can never be restored.

2009-07-16T18:33:00.002+02:00

there are strange noises
coming from the depths of darkness.
there is a chill in the air.
i reach for your hand,
wait for your warm touch.

but it is dark.
and i cannot see
that it is your angry eyes that make the world go dark.
and your icy words that cause the chill.

i know i promised
to swim until the waters sink me.
but at that time,
i did not know
that the sun in the horizon
never really meets the ocean.

8pm

2009-07-01T10:46:00.000+02:00

oh, but the joy of darkness
is that you can't see me either.

status : terminator

2009-06-08T16:21:00.003+02:00

it's not a feeling. it's not jealousy. nor guilt. or even shame. it's not those things that you do to make yourself feel better. it's not like you are cheating on her. it's not like you are even thinking about it. it's not that you are looking for an excuse. it's not like you are unhappy.

everything is perfect. everything is rosy, as they say it should be. so you keep it rosy. if they said, love is blue, you would believe that, wouldn't you? you would bring her blue flowers instead of red ones.

but no. you bring her roses. because she likes them. and because you feel guilt and shame and jealousy and anger and all those other things and you cannot understand why. it's nothing more than conversation. it's nothing more. it's nothing at all infact. it's not a feeling or jealousy or guilt or even shame. it's nothing big. just a tingle.

just the blood rushing one beat faster for about one minute. and it's over. because you can't fly longer than that. you are human.

i am human. i feel things. i feel jealous. and guilt and shame. and the tingle. yes, i felt that. forgive me lord, for i know not what i feel.

"you are breaking up."

2009-06-04T16:26:00.004+02:00

"hello? do you read me? hello? do you read me? over."

" affirmative. i read you. over"

" thank you for reading. over"

" :) over."

"it's been so long. why are you so distant?"

2009-05-19T13:23:00.002+02:00

there is an empty space in the cupboard. on the left side. there are no more bottles of orange juice in the fridge. there is only one towel in the bathroom. and the right side of the bed is too hard. the door has started creaking again. and there is no lightbulb in the attic. the business pages of the newspaper are never opened.

my ring finger has a white line across it. its where my ring used to be.

there are signs of you everywhere. why didn't you take them with you when you left?

show me the way. and i will show you the will.

2009-05-14T20:01:00.002+02:00

yes, this is me.

no, this is not the real me.

i am here. i look at the ground when i walk. i do not look people in the eye. i used to. i buy a coat in winter. and a swimsuit in summer. more importantly, i talk about winter and summer. i discuss the weather. i talk about rain. as if i really care about why summer isn't here yet. yes, i do really care.

i don't care. i don't care that everybody stares. i walk with my nose in the air. because i have a nice, small nose apparently. i don't look at the floor when i walk because they don't know who i am. and they never will.

they will all know who i am. i speak their tongue. they don't speak their mind. he does not speak his mind. he speaks his heart. his mind takes care of his troubles; its his heart that takes care of me.

i don't take care of myself. i am hurting. i cannot walk like i used to before. i never walked before.

i wear a coat in winter. a trench for the rain. a hat for the summer. yes, summer is here.

summer will be here soon. the sun takes his time, but he comes. and he doesn't stay long. he disappears when his work is done. he leaves you, alone, in your bed, as you pull up the covers around you, curl up your toes and try to fight away the cold. but the cold never goes away. he stays in the corner. just like the receipt of the dinner that he crumpled and threw into the corner. because he likes his pockets empty.

his pockets are empty. he keeps everything in his mind. he pulls them out, like magic, when he wants. not when he needs. he doesn't need anything.

he does not need things. he looks surprised when you give him something. he wants nothing at all. come. stay. leave. if you like. don't come. don't stay. don't leave. if you don't want. he is a loner. a lonely man.

he can never be lonely. everybody loves him. every one waits for him to come. they wait for him to come to work. he waits for him to go drink beers. i wait for him to come home. like May waits for summer. like the summer waits for the sun. like december waits for christmas. like i wait for him. patiently. endlessly.

i do not wait for anyone. i am the time and the tide. i am the shore. i wait for the waves. i rejoice when they wash over me. i let them go. i forget. the water washes over me. the summer rain. the waves of the ocean. the soap in the shower. water flowing endlessly into the ocean. new waters, old waters, dirty waters- all flowing into the ocean. like a friend who walks into your home without knocking. i am the friend.

i am a stranger. people look at me when i walk. they stare at my back when i climb the stairs. they stare when i speak my tongue. they do not know that i am speaking my mind. because i cannot but tell the truth.

i lie. i am a liar.i have never told the truth. i lie. in the darkness. i lie awake in the darkness. i hear him breathing. he is not a stranger. the darkness knows him. but it is suspicious of me. it does not let me sleep. i lie awake. i wake up and lie.

i wake up and sing. i sing about the past. the words of the past escape into the present. they are floating around. lyrics in the shower. words lying around in the metro. on the kitchen table. in the wind. strange words in a foreign land. strangers in a foreign land. i am a stranger.

i am home.

you blew me away

2009-04-29T14:33:00.003+02:00

it's a rare thing.

a blue that you have never seen before. like a rare stone that was never supposed to be found. like an undiscovered stretch of sky. right where it bends down to touch the sea. and the sea, in anticipation, rises up, uncontrollable, to reach out for a piece of sky. a blue that is too rare to hold on to. blue like green and black and brown and white all together. blue, looking up at you; accusing, grateful, naked. blue that you tells you secrets of the oceans. blue that reveals all there is to see. blue that crashes up against the rocks, violent, in denial. blue that begs to go back into hiding again. blue that commands you to look away. blue that brings you to your knees. blue that breaks you deep inside.

how can the world know of love,
if it have not seen your eyes...

... your tear-studded blue eyes...

2009-03-10T09:40:00.001+01:00

the difference between me and you,
is

i can be alone.

Sun

2009-02-18T16:50:00.004+01:00

<>
you are my world.
mine, because
i am the sun.

<>
you cannot know how hot it can get.
you have not been close enough.

<>
i am only the sun.
you can have all the space you need.

The Lich King and I

2009-01-31T13:47:00.002+01:00

we are the same, me and him
we aim to conquer.

and the day he dies,
i will celebrate for a week.

"i will always be there"

2009-01-22T16:11:00.004+01:00

when the world is all dark,
it's hard to believe in the sun.

2009-01-12T17:44:00.004+01:00

want, she says, is such a fickle emotion.

and oh! how emotional i am !

anger

2008-12-06T11:23:00.001+01:00

the only thing that really hurts are
your brilliant blue flashing eyes.

seek and you shall be found

2008-11-12T23:36:00.002+01:00

"if you look into the abyss for long enough,
the abyss will look back at you."

what you are searching for
is searching for you as well.

no wonder you cannot find each other.

one of you has to stand still.

193 kms

2008-11-11T20:11:00.003+01:00

the leaves are yellow now. they have told their stories. they will leave us now and they will take our stories with them. and then the cold will come to visit. the cold that wants to take you in its arms and hug you and caress you and leave you feeling..... cold. the wind shall come also to tell us more stories. the wind has always lots to say. but this time, it shall listen to me as well. because i shall talk about summer.

i shall talk about the warmth. the heat of your touch in the dark. the warmth of your kisses and the fervor of your body as it approaches mine. yes, i shall talk about the heat. the heat of your breath on my neck as you feel me deep inside. and i shall tell him about the fire of your silence as you close your eyes.

yes, the cold is curious about the warmth of summer. how will the cold snow ever know about the kind of heat that makes you sweat.... or about the heat that leaves you gasping for air......... and despite that, leave you wanting for more....?

2008-11-06T00:10:00.002+01:00

-from Jerry Maguire,

"what do you want... my soul or something?!"

"why not?"

2008-11-02T12:52:00.002+01:00

it is at moments when you reject me,
that i love you most.

black and white and grey

2008-10-29T21:33:00.003+01:00

i walk around all day in the cold, with only the love of a man to keep me warm inside. i walk around all day in the cold, with only the thought of his kisses to keep me smiling. i walk around all day in the cold, with only the memory of his hands to keep me company.

i would be, without you,
as the earth, without its sun.

"being scared is a good thing. it means you have something to lose."

yes, i am afraid.
aren't you?

2008-10-26T22:13:00.001+01:00

so, if you have a new toy,
does it mean i have to get a new hobby?

2008-10-15T10:31:00.003+02:00

yes, i write so that i can be commented upon.

just like you wake up and want to be seen.
not looked at.

so, don't just pass me by.
go ahead, make a comment.

i dare you.

bbwhhhahahha !!

2008-09-29T15:39:00.002+02:00

and do you listen when he talks about dante? when he recounts tales of the years gone by? no, you don't. what you want is for him to talk about you. what you want is his time, his mind, his thoughts. his soul. you want him to talk about your lips and your eyes. you want him to caress your foot with his and stroke your breasts with his wet fingertips. you want him to sing to you. and tell you about how much he loves you.

but, no. you don't want to listen to him talk about dante and inferno.

yes, you missed the part when he caught a glimpse of you making dinner and smiled to himself. you missed that part when he took a picture of you when you were not looking.

nobody can help you if you complain about wanting a circle when you have two semi-circles.

2008-09-23T16:48:00.002+02:00

"mera ishq bhi tu,
mera yaar bhi tu."

do you know that feeling when you don't want? don't want anything.no desire. a feeling that comes from being absolutely content. content with the moment. which in turn makes it the perfect moment? do you know it?

it is the exact opposite feeling of that you feel when you look at your fork and sigh while eating dinner alone, in an empty home, and not being able to eat because there is a hollow in your stomach that nothing can fill. yes, you know that one, don't you?

nostalgia is for those who crave the past. or sometimes, regret it. i don't want nostalgia. neither do you. yes, you know what i'm talking about. it's not about finding husbands. it's about keeping them. it's not about being here and there. it's about knowing where you are.

it's not about do-you-love-me?
it's about i-love-you.

love

2008-09-23T10:26:00.001+02:00

in between furniture shopping for a friend,
"so, what would you like in your house, darling?"
"you."

2008-09-11T12:50:00.002+02:00

Like the sky spreads its wings and hugs the oceans,
I take you.

2008-09-04T09:58:00.002+02:00

...it starts with the little mark just below your neck... which leads into that wide expanse of clear, white skin, with a light speckle of dots and slits that tell untold stories... that white skin that glides smoothly when you move... and the shoulder blades that rise majestically proclaiming its strength... and the gentle rise of your spine that trembles when i touch it and the base of that spine that promises wild fantasies beyond...

yes, i know your back well.
i have seen you walk away too many times.

new shoulders to cry on

2008-09-03T18:39:00.004+02:00

yes, John Donne knew
what love means.

When your life collides with mine

2008-09-02T20:05:00.001+02:00

When the leaves are hanging on by that invisible thread,
before autumn takes them away;
When your home gives you that silence you long for;
When you kiss me in your sleep.

2008-08-31T22:19:00.000+02:00

i can save you from yourself,
but who will save you from me?

2008-08-29T18:17:00.002+02:00

I feel like i'm reliving a certain part of my life. is this that history repeat that everyone keeps talking about?

Well, the least you could have done is change the trailers.....

2008-08-26T10:53:00.003+02:00

"apparently, when we get to our mecca, we go round and round in circles. does that mean we shall never find what we are looking for?"

"no. it means that when you get to your mecca, there is no where else to go."

"oh."

2008-08-22T11:24:00.001+02:00

when i ask for more

and do not receive,

when i cry

and do not understand,

when i give up

and do not know,

only then

will i turn upon myself.

until then,

you're it.