don't come home

only love
can make you feel
homesick
for a place
that was never home.

non-returnable

the broken promises of love
have taught me to hug a pillow
and hold my own hand
when i sleep at night.

but never mind,
it is a new kind of loneliness
waiting to be explored.

strangers

a strange man walked by me today,
an unknown face,

but not just another in the crowd.

he bent his head slightly, angry and alone,

with defiant eyes that looked around,
as if the world was undeserving of his presence.

surprised at his anger, i had to smile,
i know a thing or two about anger and darkness.

only a man who is totally in control of his emotions,
can feel the loneliness of being unique.

go your way stranger, and be at peace,
this world does not deserve your love.

to love is to destroy

you cannot see the destruction left behind, 

when you turn your back on me. 

i know my lessons now,

you taught me well.

of restrictions and expectations, 

of taking steps back, but not in to the past, 

of love that has its limits, 

promises that are valid until sunset, 

and giving everyone a special piece of you. 

let me give you a small piece of advice, 

the only way to love is unconditionally 

and the only way to destroy is to burn. 

restrictions III - soulmates until tomorrow

people speak softly in to their palms,
and every voice sounds like yours.

standing in line for the morning cup of tea,
someone walks by, wearing your perfume.
i look around and realise

everyone is walking around

with a piece of you.

forgive me

if my black tongue curses 

every eye that looks at you;
if my hands beg to destroy
every soul that dares laugh with you;
if my heart vows 

to burn every finger that dares to touch you. 

but why talk of jealousy?
we already know

that you do not love me

and i am not jealous

restrictions II

there was once an old man, who used to tell his secrets to the sea. every night, he would arrive at moon rise, sit on the sands and  tell the sea of all his sins. the love of his life and the lonely days which compelled him to live to honour her. he also told of the tales of the weary, the travellers and pilgrims who stopped by his home on the highway, asking for water in return for a story and a smile. he knew lots of stories, the old man. often it was not clear if the sea lulled him to sleep, or if he actually calmed the waves and put them to bed with his colourful stories.

he was not a vengeful man. he was old in age, but not regretful. he had not lived a full life as is often described of people in the gray age. he had lived a quiet one, and continued to do so, with only the sea for company.

the sea, of course, is older than us all. and in return for the old man's sinful stories, it raised its ugly head one day, when there was no moon in the sky, slipped beneath his feet, swallowed the sands under him, and took him along. the old man tried to clutch at the waves at first, in a bid to get back to the shore. he could not understand the sea's anger. suddenly he knew. the sea was angry because never once had he asked the sea of its sins. he had never given it a chance to drown its sorrows. he had never asked the seas how many lives it had taken, and how many lives were given to it.

and he let himself be swallowed by the endless waves, until all he could see was darkness and cold. and it was a befitting end to the story, he thought. he had told endless stories to the sea, and the sea had sent him countless waves in return. and yet, they had never really understood each other. they loved each other, but what is love is not a sweeping, drowning, sorrowful joy that only the dark cold can reveal? 

restrictions

only at that exact moment,
when you step back and say,
i don't love you anymore
is when i realise
what it means
to be put on a pedestal.

forgive me, darling,
i know not what love is.

i only know of addiction,
and romance,
desperate lust
and vengeful worship.

distance is measured in time

"ishq karoon
ya karoon ibadat"

the oceans flow around the world,
carrying amazonian messages
to the desert sand.

once we tire of this puppet show,
that our hearts put up every night,
we shall head to the seas
to wash away our sins.

but the darkness of the water
will give you peace,
and claim a life on another shore.

and i shall burn down our world,
only to leave behind a sign
that we were once loved.

be warned, my darling,
it is better to have loved and lost
than to have never lost at all. 

darling

how easy it is to lie
to someone
who does not love you back.

when you raise your fingers
to my chin,
and lift my lips to yours,
to kiss me as if it was the last one,
your eyes closing instantly
to savour a moment
that will be gone soon,

my mind stops.
and my heart complains.

but what scares me the most is
how easy it is
to lie
here
next to you
and forget the world.

have a nice day

at the heart of every man in love,
is doubt of his woman's fidelity.
deep beyond the promising smiles
and the reassuring hugs,
lies a secret,
darker than the dark of the ocean.

far beyond your eyes that betray your words
lies a truth that even your kisses cannot hide.

trust me,
i know what worship means.

death by cruelty

i really wish you were here tonight.
all the more because
i am not here anymore. 

everywhere you go

i'll keep an eye on you,
and have my ears to the ground,
and make sure i know where you are.
every minute of every day,
in every corner of the planet.

you can run.
and yes, you can hide.
but don't forget -

i can't forgive,
and you can't forget. 

laughter in the morning

dear k, this poem is for you.

often i miss the sunset, for i am indoors too much.
i miss the sound of a quiet ocean,
flowing with the moon at night, without worry.
often i miss the touch of your polite hands
as they explore the sadness in my body.

just like the darkness does not bother the ocean,
your love does not bother my soul.

let us live and love today,
for we will be wanderers tomorrow.

and wandering souls only thirst for two things

- water and love.

anger in quotes

the beauty of destruction
is its ability to remind you
of the little details you had forgotten.

i know the eager hands;
i still feel the touch of your careful fingers
in the palm of my hand
as we held hands in the middle of a crowd
and walked through a world
that dared us to defy convention.

i know your smiling eyes
as we discussed how broken hearts are never repaired.
i remember the night when we sat among the stars
and showed off the sad stories
that hung on my neck and around your wrist.

i can still feel the devouring look you gave me
when you thought i was asleep.

i have played my games,
and you have told your lies.

now all we have left is destruction.

join me
when i burn our memories
and throw them to the wind.

if our hate is as strong as our love,
then it will be a rare thing of beauty,
surely worthy of protection.

hold my hand. close your eyes.

do not despair, my love,
i see sadness in your eyes tonight.
don't fear these dark clouds,
they are friends of ours.
they will lead us through the grief
and take us to the other side,
where only peaceful emptiness lives.

don't despair, my love,
i see sadness in your eyes tonight.
don't be afraid of tears in my eyes,
they are proof that i have much love to give.

i won't despair, my love,
don't see the pain in my eyes.

even the strongest trees
are felled under a determined axe.

and we both know,
i am very strong,
and you are very determined.