Monday, June 8, 2009

status : terminator

it's not a feeling. it's not jealousy. nor guilt. or even shame. it's not those things that you do to make yourself feel better. it's not like you are cheating on her. it's not like you are even thinking about it. it's not that you are looking for an excuse. it's not like you are unhappy.

everything is perfect. everything is rosy, as they say it should be. so you keep it rosy. if they said, love is blue, you would believe that, wouldn't you? you would bring her blue flowers instead of red ones.

but no. you bring her roses. because she likes them. and because you feel guilt and shame and jealousy and anger and all those other things and you cannot understand why. it's nothing more than conversation. it's nothing more. it's nothing at all infact. it's not a feeling or jealousy or guilt or even shame. it's nothing big. just a tingle.

just the blood rushing one beat faster for about one minute. and it's over. because you can't fly longer than that. you are human.

i am human. i feel things. i feel jealous. and guilt and shame. and the tingle. yes, i felt that. forgive me lord, for i know not what i feel.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

"you are breaking up."

"hello? do you read me? hello? do you read me? over."

" affirmative. i read you. over"

" thank you for reading. over"

" :) over."