plan b

second born, awaited with reduced fervour,
knowing eyes confident about what to expect this time around.
second guessing, drifting as far away as the oceans take me,
realising that sadly, the planet is only going around in circles.
second in line, wearing a faded ring on my finger,
trying to erase the mark the first one made,
knowing fully well that it will haunt me forever.
second chances, given with conditions attached,
stressing the fact that we will never be together.

two flights of stairs, and an ocean of shame
is all that separates us.
add to that the countless glances ignored,
the hugs never given, the kisses postponed,
the hands never held in public,
the mocking reminders of who I'm supposed to be.

it is second nature to me, not being the chosen one,
what is strange is seeing you try to deny it.

rights and wrongs

when it's time for that last flash of the sword

the decisive cut of the blade against skin, flesh and bones,

that moment when the light goes out of your eyes,

that's when you realise you have nothing to lose. 

when your furious brown eyes flash in anger

at my incomprehension, i realise

i will never win with you, 

and you will never be mine.

i will never stop loving you,

and you will never see me as special. 

but even if the sun fades for a day,

to let the dark wind chill your senses,

it burns with increased fury the next

as a reminder of its anger. 

not tonight, honey

messages hidden under dinner plates,

secret phrases sent through unknown numbers,

a rude statement, said aloud without thinking,

a curse shouted from the rooftops. 

a forgotten memory, written in the margins,

a teasing thought sent with the pigoens,

taunting poems recited innocently,

sarcastic comments as replies to caring questions. 

don't worry. 

i know 

what you are desperately trying not to say.