before you go

just tell me
how
to stop
thinking
of you.

i can fight everything else. 

where's the parrot?

here it is.

because the joke's on me.

18

"haath jiya pe mal mal"

imagine me writing this,
lipstick smeared all over my lips,
disheveled hair, teary eyed
mascara wiped aside by your hands,
buttons torn apart, bra down on one side.

Nothing,
not all the distance on the planet,
not the stars spewing venom,
or the sick curses of the universe,

not even all the hate in the world
can keep us apart.

phrase one

do you remember?

when we said hurtful things to each other and vowed never to see each other again? you remember the time you walked out on me? and the time i told you that your poor choices leave me with none but to never talk to you again? to be honest, both of us never really believed those things we said.

we knew we could say them because forgiveness was on the other side.

maybe what we didn't realise, is that vows, no matter how small or life-encompassing, can never be taken back. you vow to love, to protect and care for, in richness and in health, in sadness and anger, you vow never to leave the other behind.

and after all the promises we made and broke, the sad truth is, we were meant to be broken. we were meant to be together. we were meant to be sad together. so here's to all the poems our anger and sadness has ever inspired.

and now that we have nothing left, let us vow to savour the emptiness. 

do you?

" tujh me khoya rahoon mein, 
mujh me khoyi rahe tu.
khud ko dhoond lenge phir kabhi"


this one is for the lovers.
the ones who don't ask for much,
but have entire books of stories to give.
for those who don't need therapists,
but certainly do require therapy.
for those who look at the same photos
over and over again,
but smile with hesitation.
for the lovers who shield themselves from the sun,
and yet, laugh at the rain.
this one is for the lovers who know
that every book has a last page.
for those who believe in the signs
and for those who read horoscopes of another.
for those who pray for someone else,
and wish for a miracle, so that they can pass it on.
for those who thank the stars,
and for those who sleep alone, but with everyone.

your love, like mine,
is true and pure and beautiful,
and invisible.

november

"jab tak teri aanch mein, boond boond mein jal na lun, 
jab tak teri saath mein, chaand tak mein chal na lun"

you know that moment when you feel everything is about to change. you hold on to the routine, you try and anchor things down, so that something can be saved when the gravity turns off. and yet, that feeling of free fall, that sense of complete, unfazed fear, which pushes you beyond rebellion.

that moment when you realise, in mid-air, that the bungee cord might not pull you back, and there's nothing you can really do if you fall flat to the ground, you give yourself up to the hysteria. and when that snap brings you back up into the air, you laugh because you knew that even the threat of complete abandonment cannot kill your spirit.

i've been standing in line, nervous, on edge and jittery. weary sometimes, almost giving up, but still standing, climbing one rung of the ladder at a time. not sure why, but never turning back. and now i'm on top of the ladder. the cords are tied carefully, the harnesses are in place. and the view is magnificent. the instructor, handsome and reassuring, is asking me if i'm ready. 

i'll never be ready. i'll never be good enough. i will never be by your side. but i will never let go. 

i'd rather smack my face into the dirt, smiling and high on adrenaline, than unhook the harness and climb back down the ladder. i would rather love you till the end of time, than not know what it feels like to jump into gravity with nothing but a prayer to break the fall. and when you love like i do, you will know to just melt into the air, and not ask for anything in return.