Sunday, July 20, 2014

let us sleep now, for tomorrow...

there is nowhere to turn, no one to ask for directions. I'm as lost as a whisper in the mountains, hidden by the shivering misty air. Unable to reach out to you, no hope of calling back to confirm, no wish to stop my tears. I'm at the end of the road, a long road of sadness, guilt, humiliation and self-pity. The journey has stripped me of my powers, taken all that I had, and has left me with nothing to offer. Nothing to offer in return for love. In the hope that you will read this one day, and in an attempt to awake from my nightmares, I'm trying to make you understand how your words have pierced the icy barriers of my soul. When one declares love to another, we almost never expect doubt in return. I do not know how to respond. I imagined your laughter to be true; your hugs and your kisses and your hands reaching out to me in the dark of the night, I thought they were all true. I'm sorry to hear they were all tinged with doubt, despair, and maybe even hate.  I'm sorry to know that the moments of complete togetherness we shared shall never be enough to erase the doubt in your heart. I'm sorry to tell you that there will never be another soul who has loved you without knowing it. I'm sorry to know that my love cannot erase your hate. 

I don't hate you. No. I don't.  I've lost you. 
And now the silence in my soul, which scares me to my bones, will be my punishment.