there is a girl who is following me around everywhere. she looks a lot like me, but she isn't me. she wasn't always there, but it's been a while since i've noticed her. she seems to be like an alternate version of me, veering either towards an evil twin or a better version of me.
i have been slowly trying to shake her off, but the more i notice her, the more invisible she becomes. she isn't me, but seems to enjoy doing things that i like to do, and saying things that i would say. i've noticed she also sometimes says things that i don't say. like, the other day, she called someone a motherfucker. that's not a very nice thing to say, is it? she also blatantly told someone that she wants to kiss him. now who says something like that?
somedays, she starts crying uncontrollably. sobbing through entire playlists and i cannot understand why. one night, i even saw her with a razor blade in her hand, just staring at it like a psychopath. the very next day, i remember observing her with a child, laughing and playing and baby-talking to the kid, as if there is just no connection between one day and the next.
she seems to like drinking and smoking and driving around late at night. she seems to think it's ok to be fat and uncaring because apparently, there isn't a single reason to be otherwise. she seems to live in a fantasy world, forging needle-thin, superficial relationships with everyone around her, that wouldn't withstand even a strong breeze, forget storms. she seems to believe it's okay to lie. and thinks it is okay to not answer messages like "where are you?", and "have you reached home". i'm beginning to think she mocks me and imitates me sometimes.
she can't seem to make a decision, and never really follows through with the ones she makes. she cannot seem to choose between now and then and later, and lives in a void of uncountable days of heartbreak. yes, i know what heartbreak looks like on a person.
somedays, she cannot even recall what she did the day before. one day, i saw her wearing my jewellery. i'm sure it was mine because i wouldn't dare wear the ring he gave me just before he broke my heart.
i cannot talk to her, so i never got a chance to ask. she seems to also have taken certain liberties with the way she works and talks and walks, as if she owns the world and anyone who thinks otherwise can basically go take a fuck.
late evenings, i've seen her vulnerable and sad. it looks like she has no one to have a cup of tea with. of course, i cannot offer to spend time with her because she scares me. she seems so much like me but everything about her is completely opposed to who i am. she looks and talks and eats and laughs like me; she even dances like me. but...she can't really be me....right?
i have been slowly trying to shake her off, but the more i notice her, the more invisible she becomes. she isn't me, but seems to enjoy doing things that i like to do, and saying things that i would say. i've noticed she also sometimes says things that i don't say. like, the other day, she called someone a motherfucker. that's not a very nice thing to say, is it? she also blatantly told someone that she wants to kiss him. now who says something like that?
somedays, she starts crying uncontrollably. sobbing through entire playlists and i cannot understand why. one night, i even saw her with a razor blade in her hand, just staring at it like a psychopath. the very next day, i remember observing her with a child, laughing and playing and baby-talking to the kid, as if there is just no connection between one day and the next.
she seems to like drinking and smoking and driving around late at night. she seems to think it's ok to be fat and uncaring because apparently, there isn't a single reason to be otherwise. she seems to live in a fantasy world, forging needle-thin, superficial relationships with everyone around her, that wouldn't withstand even a strong breeze, forget storms. she seems to believe it's okay to lie. and thinks it is okay to not answer messages like "where are you?", and "have you reached home". i'm beginning to think she mocks me and imitates me sometimes.
she can't seem to make a decision, and never really follows through with the ones she makes. she cannot seem to choose between now and then and later, and lives in a void of uncountable days of heartbreak. yes, i know what heartbreak looks like on a person.
somedays, she cannot even recall what she did the day before. one day, i saw her wearing my jewellery. i'm sure it was mine because i wouldn't dare wear the ring he gave me just before he broke my heart.
i cannot talk to her, so i never got a chance to ask. she seems to also have taken certain liberties with the way she works and talks and walks, as if she owns the world and anyone who thinks otherwise can basically go take a fuck.
late evenings, i've seen her vulnerable and sad. it looks like she has no one to have a cup of tea with. of course, i cannot offer to spend time with her because she scares me. she seems so much like me but everything about her is completely opposed to who i am. she looks and talks and eats and laughs like me; she even dances like me. but...she can't really be me....right?