Bambi

I'm overwhelmed by memories of you tonight. They say that thoughts of you comes in waves and tonight I'm drowning. Truth is I'm not even putting up a fight. I'm letting myself drown in thoughts of you and me and us. And all because I bought cushion covers today. I was trying to decide on the colours when a soul-crushing memory presented itself to me. As if it were also on offer. I'm thinking of our house and what would have been our home. Had I not been consumed with doubt and despair. I knew that something was wrong with me when I was upset that you wouldn't walk slower even though I couldn't keep up wearing heels. I wish I was then the person I am now. I would have forgiven you forgetting me outside the cinema hall. I would not have cared that you walked right past me without even looking at me. It wouldn't matter that I went to bed alone every night because the Lich King demands your attention. I wish I knew then what I know now. That all the million times you kissed my forehead and ran your fingers through my hair mattered more than you punching through the new table, or telling me that you will never let me set foot in that house again. I wish I had known how to explain what you meant to me without equating it to cooking and cleaning and endless trips to the supermarket. 

I'm making a lot of wishes tonight, hoping that someone will listen. It doesn't really matter if they come true. I'm not asking for you back, I just want to talk to you once more. Because tonight I really need a friend. And you were a good friend to me. I'm lost and I know you won't show me the way but you would have listened to me. Tonight, I just want to see you once more, and have you kiss my forehead without realising it and absently run your fingers in my hair, and say "I know" when I say I love you. Through all these years and with everything I wish for, the only thing that hasn't changed is that I loved you then. As I love you now. And that will never change, no matter how much you wish for it.