happy birthday

the mirror has clouded over, and my reflection is blurry,

there is no spark in my eyes, or shine in my hair. 

the loud laughter has faded into fake smiles

and the warm hugs have turned into formal handshakes.

i am old now.

older than the trees that surround my soul,

colder than the seas in which i drown,

and darker than the nights that keep me awake.

as i line my eyes with soothing black carbon

and paint my lips with sad browns,

i think of all the quick forgotten kisses,

the hurried early morning hugs,

the incessant teasing phone calls,

shared beds and secret smiles,

the timely reminders of my loneliness. 

hurry up and make a wish on your happy day,

and i will make it come true.

but remember, when night comes

both of us will have to return to our darkness. 

two minute poem

if i gave you two minutes
to close your eyes
and escape to a world
where everything is possible,

would you have the courage
to let me go?

hot and cold

the sea comes rushing up to meet me
it wants to engulf me in its soothing darkness.
the sun rises high to pour its warmth on me,
not allowing for a minute of forgiving shade.
the winds threaten to carry me far away
from the legendary happiness that bounds my ankles.
the sands of the hottest indian deserts
offer themselves to help me drown in the mirages.

and all this while, all i can think of
is how i flee tempting offers such as these
to be a part of your impatient hatred.

just like all the women in the world
cannot make you happy,
all the time in the world
cannot make me forget.

80

someone told me once
that silence is a virtue.

fool.

do you not know
that the shouting only starts
when the silence
becomes too much to bear. 

born and forgotten

the church bells ring

to awaken tired souls from their disturbed slumber.

they bring news of broken homes,

and love that survived the storms of the seven seas. 

the church bells ring

to remind me that sins once committed are never forgiven,

just as love once declared is never forgotten.

they are wise as they are loud.

let the church bells ring

and be witness to my shame

my angst, my fear, my despair,

let the church bells ring

and be witness to your joy,

your peace, your passion, your love,

let the church bells ring today. 

BRB

after all has been said and done, 

when we will have both learned

the art of ignorance,

when the hurt won't sting,

and the tears don't come easily,

when the walls we build

become bigger than the dreams we shared,

i will wear my scars proudly.

i will show off my broken heart

and declare

that it was worth this eternity of sadness. 

for now,

all i have

is everything. 

let it be known,

the fool who said

to have loved and lost is better

knows not what loss means. 

two years

Sadness does not bother me anymore,

I have no concern for anger.

Frustration is unhelpful,

and anxiety does not help me sleep at night.

I've given up on happiness

and perfected the art of fake smiles.

I've thrown away caution to the skies

and despise unsolicited feelings of joy.

I am bound to my sorrow

like birds that are destined to fly forever.

They shall never know about drowning in the sea

Just like I will never know what it feels
to step across your threshold again, 

The only thing that helps

is knowing

that every single time i close my eyes,

i think of you.

double bed

as i lie awake in my double bed,
holding my fear close
i realise,
just as the bees and the trees
shun each other in the cold winter,
only to become bosom buddies in spring,

even you and i
cannot
break
us.

be free

Rid yourself of the strange thought
that love is meant to last forever.
Forget the absurd nonsense
that love is the cure to an aching soul.
Leave behind the notion
that love will keep you safe from the storm.

Because love provides no relief
from the heat of the desert
or the thirst of the sea.

All love does, at its very best,
is to remind you
that it worth the thousand sorrows.

Yes it is true
that I answer questions with silence.

Yes it is true
that silence is my friend,
just as laughter is my enemy.

Yes it is true
that words of love tend to make me cry,
and tears tend to cure me of hatred.

Yes it is true
that your hand in mine makes me stronger,
and your dreams chase away my nightmares.

But why do we need truth
when we have love?

gentle reminders

when life gives you lemons
you add water and sugar and fizz
to sooth parched throats on a hot summer day.

when life gives you love though,
we tend to add distrust and jealousy,
obsession and possession,
promises and eternity,
and transform it
into an unbelievable mess
of passion and freedom,
of soul, body, and mind.

Let us doubt our minds
and follow our hearts.

At the very least,
we will be together,
when destruction comes.

Tearful promises are meant to be broken

- Fire - 
A little unassuming fact about fire

is that it never burns by itself, in thin air. 

Fire needs motivation, 

just like love needs jealousy. 

Fire needs unyielding forests,

vengeful winds, 

thousand-year old oaks

and defiant human beings, 

to burn that angry blazing flame

and strip everything of its proud eternity. 

Run away, but don't hide.

Take cover, but don't close your eyes.

Just like every fire needs something to destroy,

my love for you will reduce our worlds to ash and dust. 

- Water - 

Your cold kisses on my hot hips

in the dark of a steaming summer night

set my body on fire,

and puts my mind to ice-cold sleep. 

Let us not talk of love.

For how can sinners know

what worship really means?

Never-ending brown

Have you ever loved someone
who does not know the meaning of love?

Have you ever given your heart away
not knowing if you will find a cure for the heartache?
Have you ever given away your world
just to be a minuscule part of someone else’s dream?

Or given away your past
in exchange for your future?

You will.

When I looked into your fiery ocean eyes,
I gave away my everything
just to be a part of your nothing.

Found in translation

i dreamt of you late last night.

you were in an abandoned house

dark and lonely, with no  hope to keep you company.

your eyes lit up suddenly, as i walked in

you smiled and opened your arms

you were glad to have some warmth walk in.

only later did you realise

that i am a part of the shadows, and not the light.

i am a part of the cold, and not the heat.

i am a part of heart-wrenching pain,

and not of blissful happiness.

and when i awoke from my dream, 

laying safe in your arms, 

i had to smile in sad realisation,

you can save me from my reality,

but how will you rescue me from my dreams?

For better or worse

The best thing about a promise
is the infinite hope it brings.
The worst thing about a promise, though
is the infinite hope it promised.

Just as words are meant to be savoured and forgotten,
Promises are meant to be made and forgotten.

Your promise to hold me forever
still keeps me warm.
even through the coldest night.

Your promise to love me
keeps me from loving anyone else.