horizon

"and after i stayed awake the entire night,

waiting for you to return,

at sunrise, 

i suddenly remembered you saying

you're not coming back"

so will i

"if the stars were made to worship, so will i.

if the wind goes where you send it, so will i.

if the oceans roar your greatness, so will i.

if the rocks cry out in silence, so will i.

it's been a long time coming;

maybe we knew 

that there is beauty in ashes.

and so

no moment of hesitation

when we set our souls on fire,

just to see if the magic will disappear

or spark on through eternity. 

it's been a long time coming;

i can see your eyes beginning to tire

of the journeys my soul wants to take.

i imagine your heart turning weary of my love. 

i can feel your heart starting to believe

in the faith of my love.

you holding my hand

is like the rain kissing the trees.

like a thousand reasons for a single decision, 

or a hundred prayers for a single wish.

your smile is the answer

to any question my heart could ever have. 

your love is the path that i follow, 

even in the dark. 

"if you left the grave behind,

then so will i" 

who gon pray for me?

how tremendous are these moments of rage,
between us, against us, for us
the rain refuses to die in battle,
and yet gets weaker every second,
that's the rage; the uncontrollable
urge to bite your teeth and scream against the sky.
pure torture.
that's what it feels like, this love for you.
it will never cut off an arm to save the body;
and here i am, ready to blow my brains out,
for you.
go find someone else to torment, rain!
why do you cling when there is nothing to catch your fall?
but let the truth be told,
even my bouncy curls were awaiting your return,
i didn't know it would be that evident.
who's gonna pray for me, darling,
but you?
cuz i'm gonna spill this blood for you, honey.

the fruit bowl

like a greek god, filled with lightning and rage,
you walked down the passage,
fruit bowl in hand,
trembling as you resist the rage to throw it against the wall,
while the love to feed it to me consumes you.

you looked so beautiful,
back straight, elbow at the right angle,
i fell in love with you again,
just like yesterday, and the day before that.
you are invincible.
it is impossible not to worship you.
lightning crashes,
when your fingers touch my skin,
when you are deep within
me.

walking on fire

"no matter how much i say i love you, 
i will always love you more than that."

when is that moment that you realise
that you have finally got something
you cannot lose.
when you know that this is it.
your bones ache, knowing that it's not the cold
that makes you shiver.
the air feels heavy, adding to the knots in my shoulders,
i am unable to breathe.
and nothing but your kiss will bring me back to life.
in the meantime, i am walking towards the light,
dragging all our boxes with me,
to abandon on a seashore without a horizon.

the world is a circle,
we are bound to meet on the other side,
where there are no doubts
about who you are,
and who i can be,
if you would let me love you.

night in shining armour

i saw a little girl a few days ago,
tears in her eyes, huddled close to a warm shoulder,
and somewhere in between taking a deep breath,
and trying to find a reason to continue crying,
she rubbed her tiny nose on her father's expensive t-shirt.
he held her close, for he knows
that's what t-shirts are for.
that's what shoulders are for.
because when the tears just refuse to stop
and your heart is wondering why your mind refuses to cry,
we look up and realise that shoulders ask no questions.

the entire universe in the length of your shoulders;
your collar bones straining against the weight of the world,
the scars from a fight, long forgotten, shining in the dark
the curve of your neck, like the oceans meeting the horizon.
the rise and fall of your chest, as you sleep for three minutes
while i count the stars so that i don't fall asleep too.

wake up, darling. it's time to go.
the sun will be up any minute now,
and the mountains bow to offer their respects
as you straighten your shoulders, take a deep breath
and kiss me goodbye.
and i pull the sheets closer, hug the pillow your neck rested on,
i rub my nose into the warmth.
the pillows don't complain either, and i imagine they are you
holding me close as i count the minutes
until i get to see you again.

rewards and recognitions

Ek khwaab ne aankhein kholi hain
Kya mod aaya hai kahaani mein
Wo bheeg rahi hai baarish mein
Aur aag lagi hai paani mein

Pehle to begaani nagari mein
Hum ko kisi ne poochha na tha
Saara sheher jab maan gaya to
Lagta hai kyoon koi rootha na tha

Sajde bichhawan ve
O gali gali,
Jis sehar vich mera yaar vasda

perhaps

in my head,

i imagine you said

"let me not ruin 

the end for you",

while we're cuddled up

in a blanket,

on the floor,

watching a movie

on the wall.

while the universe

is asleep,

and has left us alone

for a while. 

what time is it there?

It's usually at 3am that I think of you. My mind and body have become hard-wired to wake up, think of you, wonder what you might be doing, and then drift off to sleep again. It's a time thing. It's always the timing. Either it's perfect, like someone calling you just when you think of them, or it's just never right, like calling someone when you're not supposed to. They say even broken clocks tell the right time twice a day. But that's only because time never stops, even though the clock does. Like I will never stop loving you, even though you have. And maybe, I'll be right twice a day. And it's usually at 3am.

don't say my name

i didn't know what it was.

i could not recognise the signs, 

and i refused to believe the warnings.

to me, it sounded like warming. 

like how the cuddle would last for ten seconds

and somehow, it would keep me warm for days. 

i didn't know what it was,

love? maybe not. lust, maybe yes. 

it wasn't destiny, or some odd predicament like that.

it was just about finding a piece of someone else

that fits exactly into my puzzle.

your palms, made to be placed on my hips,

your fingers, shaped perfectly to caress my breasts,

your lips, curved just right to kiss mine. 

your soul, lost among the trees, 

and mine, lost in the fire.

you taught me how to be invisible,

and now, it has become

my superpower. 

punishment

i
will
always
love
only
you.

the theory of limits

let me do the math, so you don't have to.
one and one is two, they say
but they didn't know about you.
the unknown value, the surprise factor,
the X axis to my why.

i am only a fraction
of you.
the sum of my parts,
the parts of me that you have touched,
will always be greater than the whole
world.
you and me,
we are the cross check
in the margin on the side.
unnecessary maybe, but the only thing
that counts for something.
the tables haven't turned, the rules have not changed,
i exist only in your mind,
like a formula for happiness,
that cannot be learnt by heart.
you and me, we are that perfect sum,
worked out through several layers of doubt.
you and me, creating that division of thought.
you and me, the hypothetical question
with an answer to prove them all wrong.
they look at us is amazement,
the brilliant perfection of odd and even,
and then they wonder,
why something is not adding up.

"long nights"

the last one was for you.
about you, from you, to you.
because of you.
this one is just a post-it note.

i'm in the wild tonight,
lost beyond maps and directions,
alone, and I cannot even conjure up your voice.
because the last time I heard it,
you weren't talking to me.
your songs are all around me,
the wild is dangerous, they say.
to me, it's a familiar path.
the silence is childlike disobedience,
innocent yet audacious,
but only because I do not know the answer
to the questions your heart asks.

"society, you're a crazy breed"
I know you're not lonely
without me.
I'm looking for the orange hat,
stuck somewhere on the waves of your smiles,
and I wait for the next big one.

no hopes and no regrets,
and I hope you won't regret
that "if there was ever someone
to keep me home, it would be you"

it's not a mystery to me
how you won't be free,
till you have it all.

mein pal do pal ka shayar hoon

"....ke tujhe zameen pe, 

bhulaya gaya hai, 

mere liye"

the rain, the weed, the alcohol and the mixers. 

the perfect song, the kind we haven't heard for a long time. 

"tum haar ke dil apna, meri jeet amar kar do". 

the thin blanket, 

the little notes of things to tell you, 

the wind; 

i even got chocolate. 

all here, in perfect order, 

even the rain pacing itself. 

all of us waited for you a long time tonight. 

"woh nahin sunta usko, jal jaana hota hai,

har khushi se, har gham se, begaana hota hai" 

we didn't tire of waiting, we have seen

too many 

sleepless nights

together. 

why? you may ask. or more importantly, 

how? 

i will explain, allow me.

the weed stays alert, the alcohol shakes itself, 

the mixers stay calm,

the song sings itself over and over again, 

so that it doesn't forget its words. 

the little notes flit around, telling 

each other, 

their little important messages, like, 

for example, 

"that Chester something fellow died yesterday... 

was he someone you liked?" Or, 

"look up his songs. oh yes, that 

in-the-end-it-doesn't-even-matter guy"

the chocolate doesn't melt, stays just soft enough,

the wind keeps circling around, no trouble at all. 

all of them look to the skies.

the rain, 

leads them all. 

in between two long, slow spells, 

pauses to take a breath, 

and looks at me. 

and i look back at it,

as if it were you. 

and so it rains on, 

until I may blink, 

my eyes closed

only by your kiss. 

"yeh jhoot bolte hain, mere khayal..."

soothe

"write hard and clear about what hurts"

my fingers, my skin, my hips and my thighs, from the top of my head to the tips of my toes; from the air around me, and every fibre of my heart, to the bottom of that pit in my stomach; from the depths of my mind to every last crevice of my soul. everything hurts. because you are not here.