invisible

remember the first time i said i love you? 

and remember how you didn't say it back? 

as the world burns and the george flyods of the world rest in peace, 

i can't help but wonder if his final punishment was actually deliverance. 

the sadness of the world destroys me. 

sometimes,

i think about running away, but when i look up,

the end is never in sight. 

the revolution flames on, but when the sun rises again, 

i find myself looking fear in the eye. 

i long for happiness like rapture. 

i long for love,

for caresses and comfort,

and the simple truth of holding someone's hand

and have them hold mine back. 

i long for an assuring word,

that everything is actually going to be okay. 

i long for someone to take the baton from me,

i am tired, and i cannot run anymore. 

i wish for you to see me, as i am, in glory or shame,

i wish to be overwhelmed by your love,

rather than picking up pieces of it in the air 

left behind after you turn away. 

i long for you to know

the path to your glory is pebbled with pieces of me. 

despair overwhelms my words tonight,

for it is love that makes me do what i do. 

and for as long as i can remember, 

i was told that everything is fair

in love. and war. 

cosmic loneliness

there was once a long time ago,
when we used to kiss in the rain, and lose count of the stars.
when the bed felt warmer in the mornings
and the sun wasn't full of revenge.
when we weren't afraid to declare a lifetime of love,
even if it meant not in this one.
when we were closer to god than to our lies
and our mothers would call us for no reason at all.
there was once a long time ago
when we loved each other
and didn't have to lie about it.
when we were free to be scandalous
because we knew no other way.
there was a time when the ships that sailed the oceans
truly believed they were about to discover new land.
without knowing that their dreams
were too heavy a burden for the wind to carry.
there was even a day when we realised
that being attached and attacked are only letters apart.
there was a time when we waited for the bruises of our love-making
to turn bright purple an hour later.
they started to hurt lesser the next day, but still hurt so wonderfully,
and still stayed in your memory three days after,
but you had to press down on it real hard to remember.
there was a time when the rain wouldn't bother you,
but now makes me wonder why you don't pull me outside anymore.

time has travelled this journey with you and me,
it raised its hands when we laughed too much;
and ran at lightning speed as we hurled abuses at each other.
it sounded the alarm several times, and sometimes,
brought in the daylight gently because we wanted to kiss for a little longer.

there was once, a long time ago,
i loved you.

kiss me, don't miss me

you and me.
different
seasons.
but
ruled
by
the
same
planet.

paperweight

what would you attempt to do, 
if you knew you could not fail?

if

if we ever stop talking,
send me a song. 

horizon

"and after i stayed awake the entire night,

waiting for you to return,

at sunrise, 

i suddenly remembered you saying

you're not coming back"

so will i

"if the stars were made to worship, so will i.

if the wind goes where you send it, so will i.

if the oceans roar your greatness, so will i.

if the rocks cry out in silence, so will i.

it's been a long time coming;

maybe we knew 

that there is beauty in ashes.

and so

no moment of hesitation

when we set our souls on fire,

just to see if the magic will disappear

or spark on through eternity. 

it's been a long time coming;

i can see your eyes beginning to tire

of the journeys my soul wants to take.

i imagine your heart turning weary of my love. 

i can feel your heart starting to believe

in the faith of my love.

you holding my hand

is like the rain kissing the trees.

like a thousand reasons for a single decision, 

or a hundred prayers for a single wish.

your smile is the answer

to any question my heart could ever have. 

your love is the path that i follow, 

even in the dark. 

"if you left the grave behind,

then so will i" 

who gon pray for me?

how tremendous are these moments of rage,
between us, against us, for us
the rain refuses to die in battle,
and yet gets weaker every second,
that's the rage; the uncontrollable
urge to bite your teeth and scream against the sky.
pure torture.
that's what it feels like, this love for you.
it will never cut off an arm to save the body;
and here i am, ready to blow my brains out,
for you.
go find someone else to torment, rain!
why do you cling when there is nothing to catch your fall?
but let the truth be told,
even my bouncy curls were awaiting your return,
i didn't know it would be that evident.
who's gonna pray for me, darling,
but you?
cuz i'm gonna spill this blood for you, honey.

the fruit bowl

like a greek god, filled with lightning and rage,
you walked down the passage,
fruit bowl in hand,
trembling as you resist the rage to throw it against the wall,
while the love to feed it to me consumes you.

you looked so beautiful,
back straight, elbow at the right angle,
i fell in love with you again,
just like yesterday, and the day before that.
you are invincible.
it is impossible not to worship you.
lightning crashes,
when your fingers touch my skin,
when you are deep within
me.

walking on fire

"no matter how much i say i love you, 
i will always love you more than that."

when is that moment that you realise
that you have finally got something
you cannot lose.
when you know that this is it.
your bones ache, knowing that it's not the cold
that makes you shiver.
the air feels heavy, adding to the knots in my shoulders,
i am unable to breathe.
and nothing but your kiss will bring me back to life.
in the meantime, i am walking towards the light,
dragging all our boxes with me,
to abandon on a seashore without a horizon.

the world is a circle,
we are bound to meet on the other side,
where there are no doubts
about who you are,
and who i can be,
if you would let me love you.

night in shining armour

i saw a little girl a few days ago,
tears in her eyes, huddled close to a warm shoulder,
and somewhere in between taking a deep breath,
and trying to find a reason to continue crying,
she rubbed her tiny nose on her father's expensive t-shirt.
he held her close, for he knows
that's what t-shirts are for.
that's what shoulders are for.
because when the tears just refuse to stop
and your heart is wondering why your mind refuses to cry,
we look up and realise that shoulders ask no questions.

the entire universe in the length of your shoulders;
your collar bones straining against the weight of the world,
the scars from a fight, long forgotten, shining in the dark
the curve of your neck, like the oceans meeting the horizon.
the rise and fall of your chest, as you sleep for three minutes
while i count the stars so that i don't fall asleep too.

wake up, darling. it's time to go.
the sun will be up any minute now,
and the mountains bow to offer their respects
as you straighten your shoulders, take a deep breath
and kiss me goodbye.
and i pull the sheets closer, hug the pillow your neck rested on,
i rub my nose into the warmth.
the pillows don't complain either, and i imagine they are you
holding me close as i count the minutes
until i get to see you again.

rewards and recognitions

Ek khwaab ne aankhein kholi hain
Kya mod aaya hai kahaani mein
Wo bheeg rahi hai baarish mein
Aur aag lagi hai paani mein

Pehle to begaani nagari mein
Hum ko kisi ne poochha na tha
Saara sheher jab maan gaya to
Lagta hai kyoon koi rootha na tha

Sajde bichhawan ve
O gali gali,
Jis sehar vich mera yaar vasda

perhaps

in my head,

i imagine you said

"let me not ruin 

the end for you",

while we're cuddled up

in a blanket,

on the floor,

watching a movie

on the wall.

while the universe

is asleep,

and has left us alone

for a while. 

what time is it there?

It's usually at 3am that I think of you. My mind and body have become hard-wired to wake up, think of you, wonder what you might be doing, and then drift off to sleep again. It's a time thing. It's always the timing. Either it's perfect, like someone calling you just when you think of them, or it's just never right, like calling someone when you're not supposed to. They say even broken clocks tell the right time twice a day. But that's only because time never stops, even though the clock does. Like I will never stop loving you, even though you have. And maybe, I'll be right twice a day. And it's usually at 3am.

don't say my name

i didn't know what it was.

i could not recognise the signs, 

and i refused to believe the warnings.

to me, it sounded like warming. 

like how the cuddle would last for ten seconds

and somehow, it would keep me warm for days. 

i didn't know what it was,

love? maybe not. lust, maybe yes. 

it wasn't destiny, or some odd predicament like that.

it was just about finding a piece of someone else

that fits exactly into my puzzle.

your palms, made to be placed on my hips,

your fingers, shaped perfectly to caress my breasts,

your lips, curved just right to kiss mine. 

your soul, lost among the trees, 

and mine, lost in the fire.

you taught me how to be invisible,

and now, it has become

my superpower.