honesty

it would not matter if i drew a secret map

to find my way back to your heart.

i am hopelessly lost already. 

it would be of no consequence if i wrote

the most beautiful poems for you, or read every book

to quote a smart line or two, when you are tired. 

it would not matter if i practiced my smile in the mirror,

or brushed my hair out of my face, the way you like, 

or was kind to strangers like you are,

or lived my days with a passion equal to your own. 

it would probably not matter

if i slit my wrists again, so you would know the truth.

it is of no importance that i over-achieve my target

because i was aiming wrong all along.

it would not matter if i tattooed your breath on my skin,

just so i could feel you any time i want. 

it would not matter if i was perfect, because you don't want it.

and if i was your one wish come true, 

you would not know what to wish for next. 

it would not matter if i stopped time, just to kiss you again,

because i would just be left with another broken thing. 

all of my great life does not matter.

because it will never be shared with you.

this is the worst movie we have ever seen. 

and the end doesn't even matter anymore. 

being home

if you have taught me to feel love again, 

it has to be you

who shows me how to let you go. 

i would rather spend countless days 

in the parched desert,

dying in the cold sand of loneliness,

than stand in this rain of happiness

that washes over me every time i see you. 

teach me how to let you go.

i promise to learn the lesson. 

by heart. 

it's true

i'm like medusa.

don't look at me,
you'll be hypnotized
forever.

what not to do

I saw a shooting star last night,

it may have been a dream, but it didn't feel like it.

I closed my eyes and quickly made a wish. 

but when I looked up again,

I saw the star laughing at me as it flew by.

"only the gods make wishes come true", he said.

the stars just laze around,

their beauty reason enough for their existence. 

"try again tomorrow", he laughed again 

"after all, there is a sky full of stars!"

my wish didn't come true.

that's probably not very surprising,

considering I wished for you. 

practising restraint

"milte rahe jo aise hi dono, 
lag na jaaye ishq ki nazar" 

i want to taste every inch of you,
from the hollow of your neck
to the warmth beneath your heart,
before i decide to forget you.
i want to hug you with every inch of me,
our bodies melting into each other
before you decide to leave me.
i want to drink the last drop of wine,
and smoke the last cigarette into oblivion
just to make time last another minute.
i want to play every song in the world
so we get four minutes more.
i want to kiss you until you cry.
and make love to you until you laugh.
i want to make countless movies,
so we can have another saturday together.
i want to write until my fingers bleed
just so we can talk about dedications.
i want to show you the sky, because it is endless.
i want to love you, until you forget to remember her.
i want to set the world on fire
just so you don't feel the cold at night.

but i won't.

all I'm really asking for is you

now that you're gone,

every minute seems 

like an eleven hour flight. 

yet another reason to be thankful

that I cannot fly. 

i wish

"tujhe cheen loon ya chod doon, maang loon ya mod doon.
iss lamhe kya kar jaaon.
iss lamhe kya kar doon,
jo mujhe chain mile, aaraam mile."

nothing is worth the destruction
that a fateful moment wrecks on your world.

the sideward glance to check if you really leaned in too close,
the music wasn't so loud anyway.
the quiet hand of warning on a shoulder
not to pull you away from me,
but to hold you back from the storm.
her imperceptible smile as warning when you wave goodbye.

worlds apart, but i can still feel your touch.

nothing is worth the pain and anguish
of a broken heart, spilled like cheap wine on expensive furniture.

nothing can fix the end of this story.
and like a madman, frantically turning the last pages of the book
unwilling to believe the tale is done,
i sit here knowing,
not even time will heal my soul.

kiss song

"maybe if the stars align, maybe if our worlds collide,
maybe on the dark side, we could be together." 

and one day, out of the blue,
when we were sitting on the floor,
feet entwined, warmth flowing through each other,
the music hiding behind the curtains,
careful not to interrupt the peace,
the smoke making circles around us,

he looked up and told me,
i can be anything you want me to be.

i had to smile.
i kissed him, but that wasn't the right answer.

what do you want me to be? he persisted.
i could not find the words,
knowing he would never be brave enough to hear the truth.

have you decided what you want me to be?
mine. i want you to be mine. 

you are the son. and i am the moon

"teri nazron mein hai teri sapne,
teri sapno mein naraazi.
mujhe lagta hain, baatein dil ki
hoti hai dil ke dhokebaazi.

tum saath ho ya na ho
kya farak hai;
bedard thi zindagi
bedard hai."

inspired by the sun that shines everyday without regret,
the moon decided to shine brighter every night.

sadly, she realised
she can only shine bright after days of dark longing.

but she smiled, knowing
that she shines bright only for you,
while the sun had no choice.

i see fire

i miss you, as surely as the blood that runs through me,
not like the deserts that miss the rain,
for how would the desert know what rain is?
i miss you, with every thought i can conjure,
and through every smokescreen i create,
i can not get you out of me.
i have spent countless days, trying to erase you,
but it is like trying to hide away the moon.
do we lose the moon when we do not see it in the sky?
i have you etched in me, like a habit, and people never change, do they?
i miss you, like the truth misses being told,
like a song without the words, or a bed without warmth,
i miss you beyond belief, like an old man saying the world is round.
every day, every single little thing leads me back to you,
as my fort gets stronger, good enough for a thousand heartbreaks,
without you, i feel like a blind man trying to describe a feeling.
i love you, thankfully, more than you will ever know,
and i miss you, like you would miss her when she is gone.

not for you

the stars could refuse to shine for us,

destiny can turn around and walk away in disgust,

the rain can laugh and hide itself away,

the sun could continue to spit angry fire at the world, 

while the moon curses its fate,

and the trees could refuse to stop the leaves from falling.

every poet that ever existed could throw his verses out the window.

and the oceans could dry up overnight. 

the entire universe could come to a screeching halt,

but nothing can stop the flute that plays 

every time you look at me. 

a face that launched a thousand ships

*dedicated to Andrea Gibson


a thousand lines of poetry,

declaring undying love, and companionship till eternity.

gifts, small and big, thoughtfully bought

packed and given with trembling fingers.

the last penny in your pocket 

spent on a cigarette that will bring her peace

instead of dinner that will quiet your grumbling hunger. 

families torn apart, never to speak again,

backs turned on friends and well-wishers

whole lifetime of relationships brought down with a single tear. 

collectors editions of songs thrown to the trash

because she does not like jazz. 

books burned to ashes because she doesn't like unhappy endings, 

movies never watched to the end because

it was always more interesting to kiss her,

countless clothes given away because she thought 

blue was not your color. 

every pot and pan in your house washed a hundred times over

making her favorite dishes, 

hundreds of pages of homework done, aced and forgotten

who said geometry doesn't help in real life?

are we not in a triangle now, with no way out? 

everything in your power done and declared 

to make her happy, and yet

she goes on building her fort.

you say you will love her forever,

and she waits for you to realize you don't want her anymore. 

you say you will take a bullet for her,

and she waits for you to turn around and walk away. 

you say, anything to see you happy, my darling

and she waits for you to wake up and know

that she is not a happy person.

she is a poet, and a warrior, and a lover

she has love flowing through her veins, 

bleeding every fortnight because she cannot hold it all in. 

she breathes poems in and out, without thinking 

many never making it out of the tips of her fingers. 

she has war in her eyes, angry hair and flaming hips,

making a iron-clad cloak to hide her love away.

when you told her the story of helen who launched a thousand ships 

she asked you quietly 

how did they know she would not want to stay with Paris? 

Jeremy always wears black

I am trying my best to swim, 

holding my breath against the weight of the water, 

beating my hands against the fury of the dark,

my legs are struggling to push away from the horizon. 

but I can feel myself drowning. 

there's water in my lungs,

an unforgiving pain in my skull,

my veins are running for all their worth, 

knowing my blood will soon stop flowing. 

my limbs are getting tired

and my heart is in pieces,

breaking further into ash. 

I'm drowning 

and not even a Phoenix can rise

if it drowned in darkness. 

I'm drowning

and with my last dying thought,

I pray that it is not you that saves me. 

because if you do, 

I may hold on

and never let go.

cinderella

"pehle kyun na mile hum, 
tanha hi kyun jale hum" 

a hundred years will go by;
the stars will be another decade older
before they align,
and resign themselves to the fact
that not even they can bring us together.

the phoenix will die a thousand deaths,
its ashes forever believing,
until it rises to the truth
that not even lies can keep us together.

all the snow in the world
shall melt and flow into the oceans
before they scream to the rain gods for mercy.
but not even their drowning tears
can allow us another moment together.

the silence of the night fights against the dawn,
without words to cry in anger,
knowing that not even all the forgotten poetry
scribbled across pages lost in the wind,
can give us the time we've lost together.

be brave, my darling.
the only witness to our love
is a fire that burns in the sky, every day
knowing it can never be put out.

Mexico

where do you go 

to find authentic, 

unconditional 

love? 

into the drops of rain

counting each minute

till we see each other again, 

desperate, lonely, guilty and tired, 

finding solace 

only in silence. 

don't say a word,

lest I think of it, 

again.